Why holding onto a grudge is bad for you and how you can let go


Are you one of those people that just can’t let go of a grudge? You might want to learn to let go if you want to live a fulfilled life!

Granted, when someone hurts you, it is hard to forgive and let go of the hurt. But, if you don’t, it will be you that will suffer. Chances are high that the person who hurt you already forgot about it and moved on with their lives. Why can’t you? Don’t get confused here; some hurts will never be forgotten, for example, violent crime against you or sexual assault.

When you have been hurt, it is human to want to hold on to the grudge. It is also human to take your time to heal and move on. But, you should try not to hold on to the hurt forever. Give yourself time to heal, but, don’t take forever!

How do you know that you are holding onto a grudge? You replay the hurt over and over in your mind, even years down the road. 

Let’s explore some of the reasons why you shouldn’t hold onto a grudge:

  • Your blood pressure will not thank you for the grudge in the long run. You may end up with high blood pressure, so let it go for your health!
  • You may end up getting depressed. Every time you replay the hurt, you get angry and unhappy, something that is not good for your overall wellbeing.
  • It can negatively impact your relationships. Because you insist on replaying the hurt, you may end up hurting those around you that you would rather not and that don’t deserve it. You may end up doing the same hurt to another person to justify “not being a victim”.
  • You may end up stressed and anxious.

Should you force forgiveness?

It is important not to rush your emotions. Don’t rush to “forgive” and let go of the hurt. But also, don’t delay to let go either. By rushing the forgiveness, you are ignoring how you feel. When you ignore how you feel, you may be in the same position as the person holding onto a grudge. When you ignore how you feel, your store away the emotions and that may explode badly in the future!

Tips to letting go

Go through the emotions

When you have been hurt, allow yourself to go through the emotions. Cry if you must, scream, shout, take those walks, or go on that trip. Do whatever it takes to safely let it out of your system. Don’t try to hurt the other person or “revenge”.

Try to understand why you were hurt

After crying or screaming it out, you may want to approach the other person and understand why they hurt you. You may find it wasn’t intentional. And if it was then you will have a good reason not to have them in your life. Sometimes the other person is going through something and takes it out on you.

Forgive and let go

Now that you have looked at the hurt without much emotion, you may find that it may not have been intentional. Let it go and forgive. If it was intentional, you may want to let the person out of your life and focus on forgiving them for your good.

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